A tribute to her mother Frances Noble Ignacio
“What makes Frances special, and I might be biased as she has been with me: performing, working, going to nursing school, she would ask ‘how are you managing with things, what do you need, what’s the best thing for you for this day?’ She does not complain, she does her best, she is a great, full-hearted mom, expresses herself in all that she does, perhaps because of her work (as a nurse in the delivery room), she is surrounded by grace, which makes her a full-hearted mom.” – Matthew John Ignacio, 20 years old, April 2015.
Much like Matthew John who has been playing cello since age 12, I have witnessed young Hannah at 5 years old sing to 200 folks in the Cerritos Community Center, a benefit concert for Typhoon Ondoy’s survivors in the Philippines. Hannah sang her heart out. At 8 years old, she sang at Matthew John’s graduation concert at the Colburn School of Music. From time to time, I would greet Hannah, she smiles back, until one Sunday in March. Hannah approached this writer, “I am ready to tell you my story.” She waited until we had a calendar date and then, called her mom, Frances shortly.
Frances graduated from the RN program at Cerritos College in 2000. Fifteen years later, her son Matthew is graduating from the same program in a few weeks, and has just been signed up as a Kapamilya, with ABS-CBN. Frances has worked at Presbyterian Intercommunity Hospital in Downey since 2000 and currently is an RN Supervisor for the Labor & Delivery unit.
What kind of a mom is Frances? Frances and Hannah both had pink colors on their clothes. Hannah sat closer, as if to seek comfort from her mom. “My mom is the best mom. She does a lot of cool stuff with me. She makes me warm breakfast – scrambled eggs with salsa, banana bread with butter, bacon, sometimes lots of fruits and vegetables. My favorite thing is homemade crepe. She has special fillings on the crepe –strawberries, nutella, and even a strawberry on the whipped cream. She drizzles the top with chocolate syrup. She does not make me sad, not a lot.”
Hannah’s eyes sparkle as she describes her mom, while Frances is noticeably touched, as she has just heard a glimpse of both Matthew John and Hannah share their loving feelings, with depth, “She encourages me a lot. When I am having trouble with homework, she helps me. Directions are hard to understand and mom helps me. You had to find a spelling word but the words weren’t really words, they were bunch of letters put together. I did not get that plainly as words, mom had to help me understand that [the] homework [is about] finding the words.”
How many words did you find, I asked? “They were bunched up, but I found one word per spelling line, five to six words, one of them was a really long one, favorite.”
From that gifted cue, I asked if she was mom’s or dad’s favorite. “I am both. I am mom’s favorite.” How does that make you feel, and Hannah responds: “It feels good. It makes me happy to know I am her favorite and I feel her love.”
What would you tell other children who do not feel their mom’s love, I asked? “Look for love signs, even though they do not feel their mom’s love, I am sure that their moms love and care for them, look for the signs.”
What love signs?
In Hannah’s profound sharing on love signs: “If they hug and kiss you a lot, and a lot, and it does not bother me at all. If they give you special treats like fixing breakfast crepes. She whips out her i-phone to show me a photo near the end of the interview. If they give you a mommy and Hannah time. If she talks to you nicely.”
As if to test her love sign theory, Hannah asked to go to the bathroom during Frances’ turn to do the interview. Unperturbed, Frances went with her. In the bathroom, Frances confided to me that Hannah asked how her mom finds time to do all these things with her. Though her mom gets mad, “I still know she loves me because she has done more good stuff and there are more good things about my mom.”
Hannah made me recall Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages of Children,” which are physical touch, affirming words, quality time, acts of service and gifts. “When you discover your child’s love language and thus she receives the love she needs, don’t assume everything in her life will be problem-free. There will still be setbacks and misunderstandings. But your child, like a flower, will benefit from your love. When the water of love is given, your child will bloom and bless the world with beauty. Without that love, she will become a wilted flower, begging for water.”
Hannah’s love signs show her love tank is full that she can even share her own love-filled experiences. To Hannah, acts of service, kind words, quality time and treats make the difference. She corrected me about quality time; she said it is “Mom and Hannah time.”
On that special day, Hannah and mom spent their time at the park, where Hannah likes to play chase and tag. “We like to see movies, like Cinderella on Netflix. We get boba from Fusion, Guppy House, and Tapioca Express in Cerritos. I like the monkey bars as I get to do crazy stunts.”
What happens to working moms?
Hannah is 9 years old, yet, her wisdom comes from being loved: “Moms may not have enough time, they are working hard for their families, still love them even though they do not have enough time, as they have a lot of stuff to do, it will be okay.”
Hannah suggests to write, “I like writing my feelings. I can be creative. I like writing because I think of it as relaxing, because it makes me feel comfortable and forget about problems (after-school Kumon math and reading which sometimes I have trouble with, as I moved up on both, now I am on level D2 and not an easy D1). One time I was reading 5 to 6 chapters of Rump, the true story of Rumplestiltstken, and I have not finished it. That was my problem.” I gave Hannah a tip to start thinking D2 is fun and it will be like D1 soon. She smiled. Hannah has now read 29 out of 32 chapters and spelled the book she is reading all by herself.
Picture this, here is Frances, quite beautiful and calm, suddenly bursting into tears, as she heard Matthew John play Bach’s “Prelude” in first movement with six layers of cello. It stopped most of LA Rose Café’s customers as they grabbed their iPhones to capture these moments of musical genius.
What more can a mother ask for, when she is right there, witnessing and savoring the articulated brilliances from her most loved two children, who both feel her love? Isn’t that what mothers dream of, to love and be loved?
How do you supply your love tank?
“God’s grace, prayers, that I am able to get up every morning. I want my kids to grow up not feeling estranged, comfortable to say, ‘Thank you, Mom’, ‘I love you, Mom’, to be open for love. I felt the signs of love from my parents but I never heard them say I love you. Especially her [Hannah], I want her to know I love you, I care for you, I love you.”
More tears from Frances, as Matthew John plays Ikaw, collaborating with Ramon Delacruz, on his guitar, “I feel blessed, proud, happy, very humble.”
I too felt the sacred moments of bliss. At that moment, I thought of my loved ones: my husband Enrique (a superlolo), my daughter Corina, who is now a loving mom married to her loving spouse, Sergio, and my son Carlo, who graduated this May with his Master’s from UC Berkeley and his partner, Andres, and my new reason for living, a newborn granddaughter, Ever Iyla.
As Matthew John plays the modern arrangement of six layers of Bach on his cello, with Ramon on his guitar, we all felt a deep sense of bliss from loving our families.
What would you, Hannah, like readers to know about dad?
“Dad lets me do a lot of fun things. He kisses and hugs me a lot. He gives me special treats,” but Hannah wishes for more Hannah and Daddy days. Across the table, Paige (Hannah’s dad) who says, “Hannah, did we not go to the park last week?” I smiled and whispered to Hannah, “Ask Daddy for more days as you need them. Hannah, change the story in your head now, as Dad has Hannah and Daddy days with you.” We all laughed.
What about the couple?
“When the kids are in school, we find the time for breakfast, my date with hubby, pretty much when I have a day off, I hardly go anywhere without my family, I find time to go out to dinner if Matthew is home to babysit Hannah, we are both foodies and we love movies.”
Frances reflected even more, “When they are grown-up, I want them to know what it is like for moms, how they were cared for, that she thinks about you. It is so gratifying. I want the future to be where I want her [Hannah] to include me when she’s pregnant, will you be there for me as my child’s grandma? I do not want that when they go off to college, they can have their own life and it ends there. I still want to be their mom. So, I take the steps of asking: ‘Have you eaten, don’t forget to tell us how it is going, I put notes in their lunch boxes, hoping they will remember. They are always in your mind.”
P.S. A special thanks to Lem Balagot for giving us a second home at LA Rose Cafe and treating us as a family, just like others.