“ALL genuinely Filipino values thrive on sharing, rather than comparing, and operate within fields: the core concept kapwa considers the social field as much as the individual by sharing the Self.” — Katrin de Guia, Ph.D., author of “Kapwa: The Self in Other”, 2005.
Veteran journalist Cokie Roberts was introduced as a ‘Living Legend’ at Mount St. Mary’s University on Jan. 27, a title bestowed on her by Library of Congress in 2008. What does it mean to be a living legend? For Cokie, who has received 25 honorary degrees and wrote several New York Times’ bestsellers, she underscored “living.” It was a self-effacing statement, without calling more attention to what she has achieved. She stood tall at the lectern, with her turquoise blazer and a matching turquoise stoned-necklace, “an opaque, blue to green mineral, the de facto stone for the millennia, in Persia.”
It struck me how she carried herself — her accessibility to the audience, as folks joined her for photos — but also how she responded with formal ease: smiling, waiting for you to ask the questions and then, responding. Perhaps, the schooling she got from the nuns, The Religious of the Sacred Heart developed her to her regal self?
She told the stories of Catholic nuns, two had become saints, St. Elizabeth Seton and St. Francesca Cabrini. She spoke of their roles in setting up schools for girls. Within a week of arriving in New Orleans and later, at a Midwestern state, Elizabeth set up a school for girls, as she understood the value of education in forming one’s self-worth.
She was simply sharing, much like what we Filipinos know, as pakikipagkapwa, sharing the Self and seeing the self in Others.
“You do not own my humanity”
Fast forward to 2016, when the words of Manny Pacquiao reverberated beyond the Philippines and enraged netizens and citizens when he compared those in same-sex relationships as “worse than animals.”
The usually unflappable Boy Abunda made a statement on Feb. 16, 2016: “I am not begging Manny Pacquiao for dignity. I am not begging you for respect. I am not begging you for my humanity because you do not own my humanity. Akin iyon. That’s my birthright.”
Pacquiao’s comments were deemed offensive by netizens, including this writer, as he passed judgment on gay folks as less than human beings.
To be compared as “worse than animals” when gay folks are fully contributing citizens and highly respected in many circles?
Coming from a guy whose adultery, gambling and alcoholism were publicly known? Does that make Manny Pacquiao more respectable than an animal, a much better human being?
Now he wants us to perceive him as a much better person, for he is now a congressperson, a celebrated sports figure, an endorser of various sports products, a preacher, and as a senatorial candidate who might win in May 2016?
Gays in America and their social spaces
In America, gays are equally respectable, for they are sports figures, actors, fashion designers, publicists, theater directors, musicians, producers, singers, teachers, makeup artists, military officers, professionals, social works, chefs and more. Even some serve as reliable White House staffers and goodwill American ambassadors to the world. There are no longer any limitations on the roles they can have to serve the American people.
Americans have now matured enough to recognize that gays are equally God’s beloved, deserving of our collective high-regard and respect. Yet, not all, as in southern states, they are seeking to exclude gays and redefine their human rights.
When the US Supreme Court ruled that civil marriages of gay couples are valid and protected, Pres. Obama tweeted, “Today is a big step in our march toward equality. Gay and lesbian couples now have the right to marry, just like anyone else. #LoveWins.” That was June 26, 2015, a history-making event for the gay community.
For the decision conveyed that if Americans are deemed equal under the law, then their love for one another must be equal to anyone else’s as well.
Catholics and gays
No less than Pope Francis made this assertion, “Who am I to judge?”
CNN reported on June 29, 2013 that “Pope Francis said Monday that he will not ‘judge’ gays and lesbians, including gay priests, signaling a shift from his predecessor and offering another sign that the new pope is committed to changing the church’s approach to historically marginalized groups. ‘If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has goodwill, who am I to judge?’ Francis said in a wide-ranging news conference aboard the papal plane.”
At a Hollywood café, I interviewed a Catholic priest. I am not sure how we got into the topic of gays. He said, “I did not know you have a gay son,” to which I replied, “I don’t hide that fact. He is quite active in the gay community. I am as proud of him, as my daughter. They are equal in my view and I love them both, dearly!”
He then described that Pope Francis changed the Church’s approach to gays such that Catholics should be welcoming and inclusive of gays.
But, the caveat, he added that Pope Francis did not change the definition of church marriage as still between that of a man and a woman. The effect to me was an implied half a sacred God’s creature.
Our discussion came to a natural stop. I kept quiet, so did he. It was as if the space of our discussion was purposely left open for both to consider: do you treat gays with consternation, with judgment, and with offensive hatred, much like Manny Pacquiao did and label their behaviors as beneath animals?
Or equally offensive, as the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia did by relegating gays, as second-class citizens?
Or would you as a self-respecting individual with self-worth recognize that gays also have self-worth as contributing citizens of this country and accord them the requisite respect and dignity, as others?
Are they not God’s beloved as well, created by the Maker in His image, and certainly not half of God’s beloved?
One Catholic family gathering
During a get-together many moons ago, relatives — many of whom are devout Catholics — gathered around the table. In this family, three cousins are gay.
One mother, a woman in her 50s, was crying. She just read her son’s journal and found out that he is a gay, forbidden in her perspective.
She wasn’t quite ready for the family discussion on gay rights at that gathering. The rest were listening, including the moms of other cousins, who already came out. She struggled from her perceptions of conflict between what she believes Catholics must do and what her mother’s heart feels, love for her gay son.
One of her relatives said to her, “Judge not, as God makes the final judgment, and He is the final authority.”
Another asked, “Would you allow folks to judge what you and your husband do inside your bedroom? Should that be anyone’s concern, as citizens of a civil society? Isn’t bedrooms zones of privacy for couples, much like a woman’s body is hers to control and not the government’s?”
She did not say much, but her tears flowed.
Fast forward to 2014, she has accepted her gay son and his partner, including helping out the gay couple purchase their own home. Presumably, mom has now conveyed to her son and his partner that they too, have self-worth, and should not be judged.
At gatherings, this gay son (Christopher, for this piece) and his partner interact with ease and contribute to the family dynamics.
The elephant, once an invisible body of animosity in the room and an unconscious guest, is no longer invited.
Love is love, amongst gays and straight citizens, and equal under the law. We must not allow politicians or public figures to demonize gay citizens, whom they are supposed to serve.
If French nuns then helped to nurture the self-worth of thousands of American young girls through education, such that one is now a great living legend, like Cokie Roberts (who celebrates her 50 years of marriage to her husband this year) would it be far fetched to expect today’s schools to likewise nurture today’s individuals’ self-worth, gays and straight?
Shouldn’t schools contribute to altering the social landscape, as much as our institutions, toward equal and fair treatment of gays, with straights?
And for us, voters, should we not elevate hateful politicians into positions of power (though some argue that Pacquiao was simply ignorant), when public figures are usually held to higher standards of demeanor?
Voting for Manny and others who make ignorant, offensive remarks make us citizens behave less than our own God-given self-worth and dignity, who are deserving of respectable public leaders who can work for our collective public good, a person of good character, a living legend like Cokie Roberts?
We had to learn that enviable value of seeing the Self in others, through Cokie Roberts’ sharing of herself. By his actions, that is not Manny Pacquiao, by any stretch of truth or imagination, who compared gays to beneath animals, and did not embody the Filipino value of pakikipagkapwa.
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Prosy Abarquez-Delacruz, J.D. writes a weekly column for Asian Journal, called “Rhizomes.” She has been writing for AJ Press for 9 years now. She contributes to Balikbayan Magazine. Her training and experiences are in science, food technology, law and community volunteerism for 4 decades. She holds a B.S. degree from the University of the Philippines, a law degree from Whittier College School of Law in California and a certificate on 21st Century Leadership from Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government. She has been a participant in NVM Writing Workshops taught by Prof. Peter Bacho for 4 years and Prof. Russell Leong. She has travelled to France, Holland, Belgium, Japan, Mexico and 22 national parks in the US, in pursuit of her love for arts.