“WHEN I came to really know her exemplary kindness, I thought she should have been the nun and I should have been in the working world. Well…you must already know that Manang Rose was an unassuming and prayerful person but also had strong values, especially kindness that exemplified a sincere Christ like attitude.” — Sister Jolisa Lazaro, S.N.D., June 2, 2016.
I, the second of five sisters, came to know of more of my Ate Rose when she died. I came to know how she was highly respected in her Cursillo groups and was saint-like in goodness, in thoughtfulness and in generosity to her Tuklasan Cana spirituality groups. With loving respect for her, three lay groups had rituals for her wake, witnessed by over 600 folks until 11 pm, though it was scheduled to end at 9 pm.
Rosalinda Abarquez Alcantara died at age 67 on May 17, while my mother died March 18, 60 days apart. We held Rose’s wake on her 68th birthday.
Why did I lose both my mother and eldest sister in a span of two months? Simply, no answer suffices, but just to recognize that God harvested His angels in His own time.
Two months before my eldest sister died, she became our mother and our father, bringing us all together to bury my mother, Asuncion. She joked with my nephew and me as we made decisions for my mom’s burial, dividing up the tasks into wake, funeral mass and reception. Unbeknownst to me, and quite unusual, Rose designated me to say thank you to everyone.
It was an unplanned request, and since I already wrote a love letter to my mother, published in the Asian Journal on March 26, I felt the need to share the communication space with others. It did not seem right to me, but I complied. Little did I know that she was preparing me to succeed her and take over her “Ate” responsibilities.
I came to know more of her virtues as family and friends spoke of her humility, her disposition and how she saw goodness in others and appreciated them, no matter what income status they came from.
Her wisdom, gentleness and legendary generosity
Fr. Alex Aclan, Vicar for the Clergy of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, described her as a highly respected lay Catholic leader.
Her wisdom was spoken with gentleness and without “burned bodies after cursillo meetings.”
Five other priests came to her wake: Fr. Rodel Balagtas (Director of Pastoral Formation at St. John’s Seminary), Fr. Camilo Pacanza (Associate Priest at St. Lucy’s), Fr. Tony Astudillo (Pastor at Lorenzo Ruiz Church), Fr. Ramon Valera (Administrator at St. John the Baptist Church) and Fr. Albert Avenido (Pastor at St. Filomena).
Bishop Oscar Solis spoke of her goodness that she took the time to attend the funeral of the bishop’s sister, though Rose had just been discharged from the hospital.
Three priests concelebrated her funeral mass: Fr. Ramon Valera, Fr. Lester Niez and Fr. Rey Matunog, Judicial Vicar of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, who also acknowledged Rose’s generosity in even attending his 25th priesthood’s anniversary, just after her hospital discharge.
Her college classmate, Doris Samantela-Ruivivar spoke lovingly of their friendship. Rose dropped off her textbooks at the beginning of the semester, all covered, and then, picked them all up from her friend’s house at the end of the school year, so Doris did not incur textbook expenses and visited her with bouquets of flowers when she got sick. At 3 am, Doris wrote this as a eulogy, which my sister Sion read for her: “Thank you for our loving friendship of 52-some years, which started when we were all freshmen classmates in UP Diliman (June 1964). Through these years, we always reveled in the colorful stories of our life remembrances, which had remained light, youthful & grateful. The stories are plentiful. And each one, when recollected, becomes even more vibrant and alive with your laughter and uncontrollable giggles! Yours is simply an endearing soul that knows nothing less than love of friendship.
“There are so many things I admire about you. These are my 3 most favorites:
I admire your Faith. It was always vibrant, strong and constant. Your indomitable spirit lit up with your strength everywhere you went, despite the sharp pains of your ailment. I admire your Simplicity, strongly grounded in the wisdom of the Scriptures, you focused on what brought you closer to God and everything else is not as important. I admire your Generosity. You always had enough to share: time, undivided attention, kindness, sound counsel, and laughter, love. My dear Rose, I will miss you a lot. Rene & I will miss you forever.”
A unifier of family and communities
Last Thanksgiving, she asked that we all get together at my Mom’s house, all 40-some of us. She was happy that we all got to enjoy each other’s company, and even happier, months before, as we celebrated our Mom’s 88th birthday.
Rose convened many reunions with classmates Marie and Marilyn at Leelin Bakery & Cafe, Pondahan, Bistro Grill and Kariya Shabu Shabu in Norwalk, California. She also facilitated the search through Facebook, and succeeded in getting 20 to attend their Jubilee of 50 years, with classmates coming from the United States, Canada and the Philippines.
Marilyn Encarnacion Enciso, a classmate, described Rose as “my first true friend who attended my 13th birthday. Rose was the only guest, joined by my siblings. Rose enjoyed ‘my mom’s upside cake and the music in the ‘Hi-Fi’ radio. I had known her than any of our classmates from class 1964 (St. Rita’s College – Manila). My relationship with her is based on her outstanding personality. Even as young girls in SRC, I felt Rose’s honesty, sincerity, kindness, thoughtfulness, and most of all, a very trustworthy individual, never judgmental. Rose was my first true friend. She was our valedictorian, section A; I was buluktorian, section B. But never did I feel discriminated by her.”
Another classmate, Marie Cahiwat described her graciousness and wisdom, “Her smile is contagious, a pleasing expression with the corners of the mouth turned up and the front teeth exposed. Rose always told us that being 66-67-68 years old are “bonus years” from God and we should all be thankful for that. I admired her for her beauty, brains and humility.”
Who is Rose?
Rosalinda was born in 1948 in Manila, Philippines to Asuncion Castro and Eleazar Abarquez. She graduated as valedictorian from St. Rita – Manila, where she studied from elementary to high school. She earned a BSBA in economics from the University of the Philippines and worked as a controller for over 25 years, before taking early retirement to stay home and care for her family.
Her loving husband, Eduardo Alcantara, recalled her examples, “she taught me how to be holy,” a diligent partner of Rose in most of Cursillo and faith-based community activities. Kuya Ed was her support in faith-based meetings, and displayed overflowing love for her, even to the point of apologizing for not going to a flower shop to buy a “proper bouquet for her,” even while he was holding a huge bouquet of white roses, my Ate’s favorite, from Ralph’s, a week before she passed. He spoke kindly to her and lovingly cared for her until she died on May 17.
To her sons, Michael, Paul and Jason, she was the “nurturing mother and fixer,” one who nurtured them with love, a smile as she delivered lunch of adobo and rice, e.g. to Jason, who forgot his lunch box, and someone who had solutions to their family challenges, first by praying to the Holy Spirit, then, applying her wisdom to the situation and her hope that the situation will change.
Her greatest joy came from her new granddaughter, Zoe and even on her last days, mustered enough strength to host and to join her first birthday.
But her overflowing love was reserved for Jonathan; “I want my baby here,” motioning by her bedside, while she endured pain, with the dignity of care of 24/7 nurses in hospice care.
Jonathan showed her photos of their travels, the trips to Sedona, to the chapel carved on the red rocks, to some of the houses designed by Frank Gehry, as Kuya Ed, his grandfather and Rose’s husband of over 40 years, had fondness for well-designed homes.
On Mother’s Day this year, we had dinner together and she listened to the laughter and the small talk we all shared. She had seconds of her favorite chicken macaroni salad. Jason and Jairo generously provided dinner for all.
She then said, “Prosy, it is psychological, look, my legs are feeling better with Sion’s massage.”
My sister, Sion Ferrer, massaged her legs daily for two weeks and administered her daily communion. Her observant eyes noticed Rose’s need for the last rites and quickly texted Fr. Lester Niez who came to administer them.
My sister, Rachel del Rosario, kept up with her visits, hoping to help Rose reverse her cancer. So did Nimfa Bemis, our youngest, who kept vigils by her side.
Jennifer, a niece, was grateful to Rose, for treating her like a daughter, and with Rose’s immense generosity, even paid for her honeymoon with Donte at St. Regis. Halloweens were spent at Rose’s house and because she frequently visited her, she acquired a gate pass and a key to use Rose’s swimming pool.
I knew her as my Ate Rose, someone whom I looked up to, the first valedictorian in our family in high school and someone who sacrificed for our family as the pioneer immigrant until we can all get reunited.
She was my Ate Rose who gave unfailing guidance, made good decisions by listening and gave righteous advice, “No, that should not be done.”
I am grateful that in the last eight weeks of my interaction with her, I kept affirming and complimenting her. We even joked that we were “frozen teammates forever.”
As to Jonathan, her favorite grandson, her “fourth son” who got the lion’s share of Kuya Ed and Ate Rose’s love and attention, he said, “As I entered high school, I wanted to do everything I could to make my lola/mother happy. When she asked me to get the laundry, the remote, phone, water, bread, to-go boxes, extra napkins, extra plastic bags, extra rice and all the items that were already right next to her, I tried doing so without complaining. When she would send over 15 texts of the same message because she learned how to copy and paste on the i-phone, I tried to respond quickly. I knew I didn’t make things perfect though.
“I’m sorry mom for the times I didn’t answer your texts, didn’t call you back, and the times I stayed out late at night keeping you worried. I’m sorry for the arguments and the times I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry for the times I didn’t open the door for you or didn’t help you walk back to the car. I wish I could go back and make things a little easier for you.
“When college started, I began to make promises for my lola/mother. These promises were intended to make Mom happy and show her how much I love her. I promised to study hard and get good grades. I promised to pray. I promised to not kiss or get distracted by girls. (Sorry, couldn’t do that one, Mom). I promised to have a big Filipino style wedding where she can invite all of her Tuklasan and Cursillo friends. I promised to have my kids see how loving their great grandmother is… Mom, even if you won’t see my college graduation, my wedding, or my kids, I will keep these promises because making you happy is all I ever want to do.”
My sister Rose’s wake, funeral mass, burial and post-reception were attended by close to 1,743 folks, some came from as far as Oxnard, Moorpark and Camarillo. She was loved by many, as she loved us all unconditionally, selflessly and generously. She truly was a fragrant rose to all.
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Prosy Abarquez-Delacruz, J.D. writes a weekly column for Asian Journal, called “Rhizomes.” She has been writing for AJ Press for 9 years now. She contributes to Balikbayan Magazine. Her training and experiences are in science, food technology, law and community volunteerism for 4 decades. She holds a B.S. degree from the University of the Philippines, a law degree from Whittier College School of Law in California and a certificate on 21st Century Leadership from Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government. She has been a participant in NVM Writing Workshops taught by Prof. Peter Bacho for 4 years and Prof. Russell Leong. She has travelled to France, Holland, Belgium, Japan, Mexico and 22 national parks in the US, in pursuit of her love for arts.